A mirror is a scary object.

It only shows you the outside. It shows all the bumps, lines, bruises, and extra weight. A mirror does not show you what you should actually see. The world is too focused on outer “perfection”, we are brainwashed into certain ideals, certain acceptable images, and appearances. From a young age, these ideals are repeatedly forced on us. Plus size has only recently become “beautiful” by society's standards. Yes your outer shell is important, your appearance does matter, however, it is not everything, nor should it be the sole focus.

You can spend hours looking in the mirror. You will never be satisfied. Larger people wish to be smaller, smaller people wish for that extra padding. Chest sizes, thigh sizes, eye colour, hair length and style… We find so much fault with ourselves. This is just the casing. Our bodies hold us. We are who we are on the inside. Your soul, your thoughts, your characteristics are what matter. So why then do we stand in front of that pesky little man made creation on a daily basis? Why do we continue to analyse ourselves? We do so, and we are so harsh. We are our own worst enemies. This needs to stop.

I wish we had mirrors that show us who we are, for the people we are. Where it matters and how it matters. I personally am sick of the over judgemental critique of myself in the mirror. I cannot continue. Yes, there is so much I would love to change about this outer shell (and in part my inner self too), but the outer shell does not define me. Just as your outer shell does not define you.

If we do have a mirror that reflects our inner self, would we be just as harsh? Would we run ourselves down? Would we want to hide and sob? Would we smile? Would we rejoice and be proud of the people we are on the inside? I would like to think that we would rejoice. However, the sad reality is, I know better.

We are so degrading to ourselves. Then because we degrade ourselves, we allow others to be equally degrading. What a vicious cycle. Remember words have power. They remain in the minds of others. So, if you are going to degrade someone and climb into their character, annihilating everything in your path; that person will eventually start to believe you. They will start to think the very same hurtful untrue things you have said, about themselves.

There are so many people, who’s sole purpose in life is to build themselves up by destroying others. Their insecurities are so deeply rooted that even they are unaware of their toxic behaviour. They pick you up with false pretences, then they destroy you. They remove all the good you see in yourself, and they discard you like yesterday’s trendy news.

We build ourselves from our experiences that we go through in life. When we finally overcome an evil or an obstacle, we become stronger, more resilient and we stand a little taller. This strength does not remove the suffering and torment we had to go through. It takes going through the hottest parts of hell, to build a strong character. The brightest smiles are always on the faces of those who have cried the hardest. Sometimes these strong people just want to break down, become weak and for a few moments be allowed to fall apart. This strength is also then perceived by others as cold-heartedness, rudeness, and bitchiness. Many people use different terms to describe you, and many of us use harsh words to describe ourselves.

When are we going to stop? When will we be able to accept ourselves? For every scary characteristic or personality trait you find, I am certain there are at least five exceptional ones. You just need to be willing to look further, to be open with yourself, to be true to yourself. You need to be willing to see it. You need to be ready. If you are not ready then you will not be able to identify any good within yourself. You will focus on the negative, or at least what you perceive as being negative…

You might see yourself as "something negative", have you tried looking deeper? Have you tried figuring out why you believe that this is who you are? Your situations do not define you. These words do not define you. Perhaps during a need for self-preservation, you had to become these adjectives. There is a reason for everything.

You are who you are because of what you have had to overcome. Referring to yourself in a classically derogatory way is not a true reflection of who you are. There is a reason that this word describes you to yourself. You just need to be willing to open yourself up and find that reason. No person is pure and “good”. We all have demons and our preferred manner in which we classify ourselves. If you are going to refer to yourself in that way, then surely you should also include exceptional qualities and adjectives too?

What will be heartbreaking is if you cannot. Has society and self-sabotage truly been so terrible that you cannot identify a single quality that makes you amazing? What has the world come to? What are we doing to each other? If you are looking in a mirror and can only see your outer shell and your darker qualities, then my dear, you are looking in the wrong mirror. This is where I believe you need a different type of mirror. Something unexpected, there are some souls on the planet that are mirrors for others. They know how people feel, they are hurt because of this and this fuels their need to show you who you are. They identify your qualities that you either cannot or, are not willing to see.

These souls do not want the same in return. They are used to being outcasts. Being different is a curse and a blessing. They do require the same amount of affection that you would, however, nothing is about them. They get joy from creating joy. They put themselves on the back burner so that they can ensure that all those beautiful souls who cannot see their own beauty, wake up and start to see it. So, they will find a way to “flatter” you, they will boost your ego. They will fight with you when you try to run yourself down. They are not blind. They see what you see about yourself, the only difference here is they see further. They see the possible reasons for these horrible adjectives that you place on your name badge, and they see the amazing qualities that you are blind to.

No one has ever truly accepted themselves for all the good, the bad, inner-self, or outer shell. There is beauty in accepting yourself. Even if only a single quality, or aspect of yourself at a time. To strive for acceptance is key. Your outcasted soul will always be there, they love and care for you in ways that you will never understand. You do not have the love for yourself that you deserve. So they love you. They might never admit to this, but there is a deeper need to help you heal without “changing” you. They enjoy the bond that they have with you. It doesn’t matter what type of bond you have with the outcasted soul. They will remain loyal. They will always be there to listen and support you and will look at your “flaws” that you so willingly point out, and they will help you see your better qualities.

These souls accept your flaws, your deep and dark and twisted qualities. They embrace them. They also embrace and rejoice with your more positive and outstanding qualities. They are accepting of who you are as a whole person (inside and out). They never judge. These souls have been judged, these souls have their demons too, however, one thing that helps them survive is helping you realise your worth.

It is time to open yourself up. It is time to be willing to accept that there is a reason for the adjectives you put on yourself, these adjectives are your way of dealing with all you have overcome. You are not at fault. There is an outcasted soul near you, waiting and wanting to help you realise how worthy and amazing you are.